What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
