You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
