wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
