i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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