Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we made out on top of his cat.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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