I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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