she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
