Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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