Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
50% drunk capacity currently
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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