I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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