I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
