i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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