You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
