Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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