I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
