I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
