I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
