Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
