Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so that wasnt chicken after all
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He did a backflip because drugs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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