Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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