Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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