guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
