it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
