I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
