Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there was a trapeze. enough said
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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