if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
