dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
