I can text with my tongue
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is Oprah even human
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
