he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
