dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
