Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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