I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
