I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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