I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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