That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
