i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
