my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
