You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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