i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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