There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
