just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
