dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
