I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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