thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
