i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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