it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
