Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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