bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
