She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
