did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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