my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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