...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
