there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
