well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
