Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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