he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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