lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
