She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
