You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
