yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
