just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
