Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my poor anus
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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