College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How external is "for external use only"?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
