I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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