dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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