I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
