everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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