in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
