Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
