He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
