i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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