i jhust puked up my retainher.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
