Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
