I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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