Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My bed smells like the plague
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
