Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
