I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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