fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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