and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
